Old Paul Harvey Joke
Man attempts to enter swanky restaurant. Maitre d' informs him that coat and tie are required. Man returns to car, dons coat, and tries once more to enter. Maitre d' says that a tie is also necessary. Man returns to car, opens trunk, takes out jumper cables, and arranges them around his neck. Heated discussion ensues, but maitre d' finally relents: "OK, you can go in, but just don't start anything!"
I was going to squeeze some philosophical mileage out of this, but it's Christmas night, I chased the wine with brandy, and tomorrow's another day. Hardcore philosophy tomorrow, I promise: an attack on Paul Edwards.